Happy National Coming out day.

Posted: October 11, 2016 in Uncategorized

Today is National coming out day. For some, telling others they are LGBT can be a dangerous and painful experience. Sometimes people don’t take it well, many LGBT people end up homeless but things are changing.


Meet John. John is sadly typical of what happens when an LGBT person has to try and deal with who they are in a culture that is hostile to them.

But John is also an example of someone who is incredibly brave and has worked through those who would stand against him and I hope has found people who will stand with him for his future.

Today will be, for many, a day of bravery, when they must find in them the courage to face who they are and for those friends and family to support them and enable them to live their lives, as an LGBT person to the full.

So young and old. If you need to come out. First find safe people to come out to if you can (i.e. me). Then you can be in a safe place to come out to others if you feel you can, don’t feel pressure to come out until you are ready.

If some one comes out to you today, give them a hug, if you are shocked try not to show them (you’ll get used to it!). If your child comes out to you affirm them whatever your personal beliefs, they are still your friend/child and they have chosen to trust you with something that is putting their life on the line even telling you.

I hope today will be a great day for everyone.Happy coming out day.

Dad, I’m Gay,
Phew, that’s a relief, I thought you’d become a Ukulele player..

Talking to a good friend of mine who lives in the USA, a war veteran. Quoted with permission left with the lack of punctuation and capital letters, because the message is so powerful.

i seen lots of black white red and yellow gay and straight soldiers die we didnt give a damm about that.. we just lost brothers.

I love Irish music. I don’t care what it is, everything from the Dubliners through to Goats Don’t Shave (yes that’s a band name). I spent a few years playing in an Irish band in Irish pubs. I made a good few friends. The band I now play in, we play a lot of Irish numbers.

I’d like to to tell you about the “terrible” behaviour of the Irish football fans in Euro 2016, so far they have Fixed someone’s car roof, putting money in the car to pay for the damage caused when an Irish fan jumped on it to get extra height, they have sung quiet lullabies to a baby on a train and shushed other people. They have sung in support of the french police when they came to move them on. So different from the terrible attacks of the Russian and English fans. They always sing, you can’t stop them singing about what they are doing.

If you see Irish fans with their Green white and orange flags you know that they are up to good. They are charming the world and they are coming to clear up your litter. Their song is “Green Lad’s picking up Litter”, “Stand up for the French Police” and “Twinkle, Twinkle little star” along with others.

Orlando Shootings

The small LGBT Christian fellowship I am honoured to be part of it had  a vigil for the Orlando victims, we read out each person and their age and remembered all those who suffer because the are LGBT, sometimes at the hands of people that call themselves “Christians”.

We had a visitor to our group, a trainee Baptist Pastor, he wasn’t gay but he was upset with the way that the Baptist church had dealt with the whole thing and in fact was dealing with LGBT people. He prayed at the end that the church would learn to be like our group, welcoming anyone who needed a safe place.

To Love.

So what, might you ask, have these two things in common? Both groups have  a binding interest, faith, and simply being Irish, simply being.

I hope that the church will learn from both the wonderful Irish about singing and doing good and from the wonderful members of the LGBT group about being accepting. Imagine a church who’s colours and song was that it was a safe place for all people and that when they sang you knew they were helping someone out.

1 Cor 13.

1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 
12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Paul (not the apostle)

A safe place.

Posted: June 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

When I was younger no one knew that when I said I was “going out with some friends”, it often meant a trip to a gay bar in London.

This would probably have shocked many of the religious people from the church I attended. But it was my “terrible secret”. About a year ago I went back to one of the gay bars I used to go to, Ku Bar in London. It had changed a lot from the place I went to when I was younger. For a start, there were a whole lot more straight people there.

A gay bar is nothing more than a bar where gay people feel safe. Nothing happens there that wouldn’t happen anywhere else. One of my favourite places, although I don’t get to go there often is a pub in Watford near me, again, although you would see perhaps gay people sitting more close to each other or holding hands. There’s nothing really that would shock you unless you can’t cope with other people being loving to each other.

I remember talking to one of the singers in the pub in Watford and he was a grandfather, he told me that he was straight and didn’t really get the gay thing, but he said they were the best audience to play for.

So if you go to a gay bar or pub, you’ll just find it like any other bar. It might take a bit of getting used to that you will see people of the same sex cuddling up to each other. But the drinks are the same. You never know, you might make some new friends.

“A safe place, where you can truly be yourself”

If only church felt like this. (Where I go to church actually does, but other churches I’m not so sure).




I am deeply upset about Orlando. About the shootings, about ISIS, about all of it.

I was, however wondering about those “conservative” believers who believe that gay people are going to hell. That the madman that shot 49 people and died himself is in fact “doing God a favour” as Jesus put it at the end of the beatitudes.

The problem with Orlando, with those views, is that there is no fence. You either love the people concerned with an unconditional, sacrificial love as Christ would, or you celebrate their religious execution as fulfilling your desire for a completely heterosexual world, the world that you think would please God. Or would it?

Those who died thought they were in a safe place, the church, should be, a safe place but so many LGBT people don’t feel it is, they feel they will be pressured to miraculously become straight. What might surprise you is that if you go to a gay bar no one will pressure you to become gay.

At this time we may upset the leaders of the day by putting compassion above rules, Just like Jesus would. For Jesus healing was more important than the sabbath laws, for him bringing people to his safe place meant going to where they were and opening the gates of the Kingdom of Heaven, not slamming them in the persons face.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Let’s pray and hope that Orlando perhaps will bring Christians to understand that rejecting someone because they might be “different” from you, even if you can back it up with the Bible, doesn’t make it right.




Asking for permission.

Posted: April 15, 2016 in Uncategorized

I’ve seen a lot of these MEME things on Facebook.

They have quotes like “Like and share if you love me”.

They make me cringe, and feel sad at the same time, it’s sad that the wonderful human being who is made in God’s image, who is so full of the future, of hope and excitement, if only they could find it thinks that someone “liking and sharing” their picture would confirm that they are loved, or hugged, or approved.

In essence the person involved is simply asking people for permission to feel accepted, or to have value.

You’re and my value is intrinsic to us as a human being. Every human being is precious and filled with dreams and potential. Sometimes, those dreams and potential get smashed. But you know what I’ve noticed, when they get smashed It’s never the person who owns the dream, the goal, the hope that smashes it, the only person who has a right to put a dream to death is you. 

You, special, wonderful person do not need to ask permission to be great, to feel loved, to hope or to dream, you do not need to continuously post those Memes on social media. Because, the answer to your need is already in you, you just have to find it.

So take ownership of yourself, of your feelings and emotions, take ownership of your dreams and guard them.

There’s a great verse in the Bible “Do not cast your pearls to swine”. So often I grieve over people casting out their feelings, making themselves vulnerable on Facebook or other social media to people who don’t really have any right to comment.

To be honest, many churches when it comes to people who are “different” in any way think that the person needs to be “healed”, when really they are saying “be like us”. Just because someone is LGBT, is “different”, doesn’t mean that why will ever be like you, will ever walk your road or have your journey, and guess what? That’s ok.

If you went to a church where everyone wore suits, but you didn’t have suit you would be no less of a christian, no less of a person, even though you might feel that way. That’s what I love about communion, the Lord’s supper, it’s a great leveller, whoever you are its the same thing, however rubbish you feel, it’s a safe place, there, with his disciples, accepted and part of the group. Each one taking the bread and wine is no more or less worthy.

Perhaps MEME’s saying “You’re an awesome person” would be far better. Now there’s a thought.

Don’t ask for permission to be great from others, instead give yourself permission. Go and be brilliant. Go on, you know you can.

Love xx


Well since my last post I thought I’d share some of the responses I’d had and how things have moved on.

Firstly, I was really surprised about how important people at my church actually regard communion and those who take it. A number of people knew my story and said how really happy and touched they were I was joining them. There has been a lot of hugging (which I’m not actually good at).

What is more amazing is actually how I feel in myself. Since joining the rest for communion I noticed that one or two others have started taking communion who would sit out. I didn’t realise, in fact, until someone pointed out that they didn’t take communion because I didn’t that feeling excluded actually can effect those around you. I thought, in honesty that it was where I was at and people in my church were cool with it. Which, to be honest, they were, but that didn’t mean they didn’t deeply want me, as a gay person to be part of the family.

Communion, is, in fact a family affair. I have learned that actually with all the liturgy there is much love, coming together an saying those words, although prescribed for us is actually about our unity, our oneness whatever our sexuality, the colour of our skin, our gender or any other difference you choose to mention.

Something else I also realised is that sometimes people don’t feel included, even when they are. They don’t feel equal even though they are equal. But to experience that equality often only happens when we join in.

I learned that the people at St John’s do regard me as an equal. That in their view I’m not a second class Christian, even if the upper echelons and primates of the church may regard me as one.

This weekend our wonderful vicar Alan is coming to share communion with the LGBT group that meets once every fortnight at the church. I’m sure this will be a powerful and moving time.

We are family, we are communion, paid for by the blood of the risen Christ, and it’s good, it’s very good.