How the church makes me feel uncomfortable….

Posted: March 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

I really empathise with the guy in the video I posted yesterday about Gay Marriage, and frankly, he says on it how it makes him feel uncomfortable the way he is being judged for his lifestyle, for something he has not been able to choose. I completely agree.

Last Sunday, the Vicar at my church (who actually welcomes LGBT people, and loves us) (but not in that way) had a discussion and I did not go to this, I did find it, actually, really uncomfortable, actually it triggered all the feelings of rejection that I spent my whole life battling with, the feelings of self loathing because despite prayer, my best efforts and trying really hard, I never managed to choose to be straight (and hurt a lot of people especially those closest to me in the process).

This week, if he has the same discussion I will go along, and stand up, and explain that frankly, I have listened to the arguments on both sides and I’m tired of this discussion, I am tired of being judged for what I am. If the church wants Marriage as some highly super thing for straight people who can have children only, then that’s fine with me. If they want to make out it’s some kind of miraculous cure for the world’s problems, fine. It doesn’t seem to have done such a good job so far.

To be honest I can understand why a lot of LGBT people choose to be atheists, because they believe that following Jesus simply, is not an option, that he would never welcome them in to his arms, the church has created so many barriers, and although many within the church have broken down those barriers, they are still there and re-inforced by the leadership at the top of this bumbling old elephant.

I agree with the Archbishop, that the church is a treasure, like a treasure, for some, it is too much to carry. Thanks very much but I’ll just carry my cross, it is not fashionable, it does not look good, but I can bear it.

What is love?

  1. Bones says:

    You pointed out that you can’t chose to be something you are not. Nor can someone chose to be an atheist if they are not. As powerful as sexuality is, so is faith. The church may be kicking up a stink (and I am not too comfortable with the blanket use of church in this context as I know several churches who wouldn’t regard gay any more of an issue than straight) but the church is about the people. Throwing toys and storming out or becoming an atheist isn’t particularly helpful to anyone, least of all the person throwing away their beliefs and embracing their frustrations. Some leaders won’t actually ‘get’ it, but that is part of life, and as with all education and change it is the younger generation who are to be the new church leaders and if they aren’t hearing the voice of those that matter (everyone) they won’t learn what it is all about, nor will they learn that people are people.

    You may be frustrated, you may well be, who isn’t, but all people, both sides will persevere. The longer an argument goes on, the more points are covered and the deeper the change at the end. There seems to be no quick fix for this particular ‘argument’ and there are many such arguments that are being had and have been had. The church does change, just as people change.

    I suspect everyone in this debate is wondering what love is.

    Stand up and be counted. Keep an open mind. Speak..not that you are heard, but that you are listened to and understood.

    • Paul C says:

      THanks BOnes, I think the thing is so true, there are churches that do love and accept us, and actually I don’t like the blanket use of church, because from where I’m sitting it seems like it’s the UPPER echelons of leadership that are causing problems and trying to deal with the huge range of views on this topic.

      I choose however, not to live with their views, as, I have tried for so long and I am unable to. I have to find a common ground, a place where I can live without fear and in safety, for a lot of LGBT people this is, without doubt, within atheism. But truly, I think Jesus (friend of Sinners and Tax Collectors), is our friend too.

      I will speak. I will be heard. But let’s hope they understand.

      Paul 🙂 (HUGZ)

  2. Bones says:

    You probably think you are in a minority, but I am sure you know you are not. It is often easier to blame the paper echelons but church is about the people and change. With every finger pointing forwards there are three pointing back. Change starts in our hearts and our lives doesn’t it.

    I just don’t think we will agree on atheism. If not being accepted puts them there then that suggests their faith isn’t a personal faith and based on the church. One may not fit within the church, but nor did Jesus.

    Some people don’t want to hear, but you seem to imply your church is accepting and a home for you. which is a good place to start speaking the way they understand.

    History suggests society has changed (gay now is more acceptable than before). Change isnt meant to be easy but it does happen. The far east if I recall says there are 3 sexes, male, female and neither male of female.

    If someone has found christ and has a personal relationship with Jesus and then, because a third party (the church) doesn’t accept the individual they turn to atheism, I would have thought that makes them as bad as the church? Rejecting as they feel rejected? Love they neighbour as thyself is what the bible promotes, real love is tough and I wonder how many Christian do love themselves. Back again to the what is love.

    Isn’t church about a place to go to worship and be together. Faith is something personal. To turn to atheism suggests an inability to accept oneself and Christ. The Christ they and only they met.

  3. Bones says:

    Speak the way they understand and hope to be heard.

  4. Alan Bainbridge says:

    Hi Paul.
    That is an excellent message and I totally agree I try to keep out of discussions of that nature in the church. I just say after all we are all God’s children and he loves us all and we are gay and that’s the way he made us. That is my own theory, I have been a christian since i was 14.
    Thanks Alan.

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