Was it worth it?

Posted: March 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

I have to ask myself sometimes was it worth coming out. I know at the time I was not ready to come out, it was a huge step to tell anyone what I was. It turned into a hugely traumatic event for everyone including my family, which I regret deeply. My family, of course, is gone now. My ex-wife and the children live away from here, we are actually good friends and I have the children at weekends.

I have friends, well they were friends, from previous churches, they heard all kinds of stories about me, but they just can’t accept that I’m gay. Some of them won’t talk to me.

I wonder what would have happened if I’d have managed to keep up the charade. Perhaps, at least then I would not be alone like this. Although I have some wonderful wonderful friends, I like many LGBT people feel really alone. I’m kind of scared of getting hurt again but deeply crying out for the intimacy of a relationship, but still being afraid of what people think of me, or have thought of me. I know people say that they don’t care what other people think, but deep down we all need acceptance, if you are an LGBT person thinking of coming out, don’t do what I did,  make sure you have a support network in place JUST IN CASE the people you love the most can’t deal with it initially. Sometimes they take time to come round.

I wish I was straight, I really do, I wish my marriage had worked out but it didn’t, it’s not coming back, it’s 2 years now, but part of me struggles to move on.

So come on God, what now?

  1. I relate to this set of feelings and thought to say that you are not alone. This is uninvited commentary from a starneger you hardly know but I just thought to say I have been there too. Don’t give up, do not despair. I hope you will find all the strength that you need until the man you love comes along. It is only a matter of time – you have to believe that! Stay strong.

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