Different types of Gay people

Posted: May 1, 2012 in LGBT Issues

In my unsuccessful efforts of finding a companion/boyfriend I have met quite a few people. Some of them quite interesting but it does give me quite an insight into the different types of LGBT people out there (or not out as the case may be).

For the uneducated the term out means that someone is living as an openly gay person, all their friends know, their pets know and it’s not a secret.

Being out myself although it was an incredibly painful process, now, is kind of freeing, but watching others struggling with their own sexuality is not so nice.

I thought for some fun I would try and categorise the kinds of people I’ve met…

The Homophobe.

I’m not saying all homophobic people are gay…that would be, well, silly, but there are some who basically try and tell themselves they are straight and everyone else, even to the point of condemning themselves and anyone else who appears even slightly, well, you know, batting for the other team.

Their lives are basically made up of a circle of guilt, fear and hatred. No fun for anyone including themselves. Sometimes I just want to give people like this a big hug (which will cause them to die a horrible death, at least they think so).

The I’m Straight but I’m on gaydar for fun.

The person in the early stages of acceptance of their sexuality will often flirt with gay dating sites, they might even “hook up” with some people for sex (sorry but that’s the way it is!).

This kind of person is a nightmare because however much you love them, they are too afraid of what will happen if they are out. Afraid of their parents, their church, their work colleagues and so they live basically the life they think that everyone else wants them to have, with the ever nagging feeling that they are not at peace. Been there, done that got the t-shirt.

They even look forward to straight stuff like having kids. Normally this ends in tears when someone outs them, they out themselves, they accidentally leave their browser on “gaydar’s” home page, or the guy they met last night, who is as camp as a fairy, runs, uncontrolled across the shopping centre screaming “oh Micheal, how are you?, I love you so much” and lunges themselves in an unceremonious hug at their supposed victim, showering the poor guy in kisses, to the shock and horror of his right-wing-holier-than-thou parents.

The I’ve just come out

This type is quite sad actually, in a way, they are just finding out who their true friends are. You know the ones that stick by you whatever and that can be very painful. Once this happens one feels almost obliged to get into some kind of relationship with someone. Even though it’s actually better to give yourself some time. Normally coming out followed by a relationship is too much for you and the poor guy or girl you’re dating.

I have noticed that the friends that stuck by me when I came out are still there. Actually what surprised me was some of the people I least expected to stand by me did and my fear that everyone would hate me simply didn’t happen. I’ve lost a load of people who wanted the old me and found a whole lot more of AWESOME friends and supporters. Especially from my church. (which might seem surprising to some).

The well seasoned gay 

If like me you’ve been out for a while, you’ll find a few things will happen.

1. Everyones wife and girlfriend tells you their problems, including, sometimes graphic descriptions of how their husbands/boyfriends are failing and which areas they are failing in. Quite scary. I do find it difficult to look a guy in the eye when I know that he’s terrible in bed or clips his toenails on the sofa. (If you are a male friend and you see your girlfriend/wife talking to me, please don’t think that this is happening, however, if I laugh at you when you talk to me, it probably has.) (I can be such a bitch).

2. Male friends are few and far between, they really don’t know what will happen if they are friends with you, they are worried you will fall in love with them because, after all, you’re just a fickle gay guy. So they will always go out with you with at least two other straightys for security. (or a collection of girlfriends which they hold on to like glue). Normally I find that the most unlikely targets for me are really worried. In a sick way, I kind of enjoy playing on it.

3. You will not get better at fashion sense. If you’re rubbish that doesn’t change. Although I can wing it if someone starts thinking gay=Gok Wan fashion sense. “Yeah you look great in this, but I think it has 45 too many sequins”.

4. You will actually PAY for a subscription to gaydar where you will discover that, boringly enough, a lot of the folks on there want only one thing and it’s not a game of golf.

5. If you have fought to be out, or had a hard time coming out, you will find that you will be much more hurt when someone says something homophobic and much more ready to grab a big gay scarf and carry a banner saying “God Loves Gays”…because, he does.

6. You will not become more camp. Don’t bother putting it on, just be yourself. After all, being out is about just that, being yourself whatever the others think.

… and that’s life…be yourself…be proud of who you are…even if it’s not what everyone else wants or expects. Jesus Loves you as you are, your true friends love you, pink or not, fat or thin, tall or short.

Ok before I get a lot of serious kind of comments, this is a tongue in cheek kind of post… 🙂 Smile!

  1. SingingCow says:

    Glad to see you’ve been appreciating my serious comments on your previous posts c”,)
    I was actually planning to say, seriously, this is good stuff that needs to be said. Thanks for being open. (Tho of course we will all want to reciprocate by telling you all our stuff now..!) (Hope you like my li’l face- Just learned how to do that!)

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