The Clown.

Posted: June 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

There he is,
Those one liner jokes,
He just knows when to pop them in,
Everyone laughs,
Everyone,
But what they don’t know,
Is that under the mask of a clown,
Lies someone who is completely broken,
Someone who feels tied up by the things in their past,
He feels numb,
He does not sleep at night,
He feels like life is some terrible dream that he will not wake up from,
He hears what they really think because they do not know of his terrible terrible secret,
But oh how he loves the laughter,
When he hears it it blocks out his pain,
It’s like some amazing narcotic,
As long as they don’t get too close,
Don’t invade personal space,
Because,
He is scared for them,
Scared for himself,
That they will see through the white and red face paint,
Through the crosses for eyes,
Through the great big shoes,
The button that squirts you with water when you are not ready for it ,
He is a performer,
Everyone loves him,
But at night,
Alone,
He weeps,
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Girls and Boys,
I present,
Live at the Circus of Life,
The Clown…

He’s gone?
He’s gone where?
He’s a what?
 

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Comments
  1. Rosemary says:

    Dear paul, I do not hate you or any others and I am sorry for your pain. it is just something fundamentally that i feel inside. You should try being the only one in our church hose hands shake and put with what I have had to put up with. We all have pain but mostt of us do it in silence and just
    take strrength from our Belief and Faith and get on with life.

    • Paul C says:

      Rosemary,

      Thank you for your comment. However I would like to make the following points.

      This poem is an observation. Nowhere does it say it is about me. It could be about anyone.

      This is MY BLOG and it’s up to me what I post on it, nothing I write is libellous or threatening, I hope people understand they are purely my observations on what I see in the church and the world. You don’t have to read it.

      I know that you struggle with gay people especially the topic of gay marriage (I have a DVD of the things you said at that seminar about me). Well, the good news is, that you are not alone and you in good company. Some of the leadership of the Church of England, also struggle with gay people. Some of them come from the school of thought where we should be put to death, others, that we should be second class Christians and not quite as “good” as straight Christians.

      Every time you have a go, I think, oh well off we go again, church hunting. One day I’ll just give up and go to a proper gay church, but there is not one in this area. So that means no church. That means my kids will grow up without a Christian input into their lives. Which I just won’t have.

      I really love coming to St John’s because it seems to me that everyone else loves having me and my children. If that is not the case, just say and we’ll move on.

      Paul

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