Archive for July, 2012

So it’s my Birthday again, I’m having a great day and it’s only 9:55am, actually my day was started at 12 midnight by a surprise candle from the Hillingdon Street Angels, I was on duty till 4am.

My oldest child who is really sensible pronounced my age as if she was making a new law, my younger daughter who has a Christmas attitude to everything told everyone I was 28. I decided to go with the latter.

I’ve also found a really amazing new freedom. It’s called being single and being ok with it. When you first become single you go on a dating spree. I joined dating sites and got nowhere. Since I’ve got to the point where I’m actually ok with being on my own for the rest of my life, I feel a lot less under pressure.

Its not I’m not open to a relationship but at the moment it’s that I am happy where I am at. Removing the pressure of talking to random strangers on dating sites frees you up to do useful things. I’m still on those sites and I still check my messages but I don’t NEED to be there, if no one talks to me it’s not the end of the world, because I realised that even just with Facebook friends I am not alone. The manifold greetings sent from around the world remind me that it’s ok to be single.

Anyway here’s to another year of things getting better. 


Christianity for the doubter.

Posted: July 16, 2012 in Me and Jesus

Being a gay person in Christendom (although a lot of Christians would argue that I am not IN christendom because I’m gay, in fact I talk to them a lot). I sometimes doubt my faith. (SHOCK HORROR!). Well, I don’t think I’m doubting my faith, I think I’m doubting that I could ever be good enough for God, EVEN WITH JESUS.

I mean, what if the fundamentals are right? What if actually God is really homophobic, that he has this really cruel joke where he makes people gay and then judges them for it, he wants me to be alone but even being alone for him won’t be enough?

What…worst case…if I am doomed to hell because I fell in love with another boy when I was 15?

What if all this is in vain, all the hours I’ve spent serving and loving him is worthless because actually he can’t see me through the rainbows that are flowing round my head?

But you see, sometimes when it’s just me and him, when I’m just praying and telling him how angry I am with him he has this habit of getting close to me. Sometimes it’s like he’s right here in the room, like the Christians who push me away with their scorning bible verses are simply pushing me further into his arms. He has a way of making me feel at peace. That I’m ok with him and it will be ok in the end.

I know I’ll never be good enough for a lot of Christians. But I don’t think that matters too much to Him. He’s more interested in my faith, in my trust and my heart, in wether I love my neighbour as myself and love Him.

If I meet someone. How will God feel about that? How will I cope? How will He cope? What will my friends say? Perhaps it’s easier just to be alone but perhaps the easy path is not the one that is best for us.

So Jesus, if you fancy a cuppa I’ve got a lot to talk about with you.

“The sexual orientation regulations [which give greater rights to gays] are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God’s judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance.”

Well that’s really nice. Yet again the natural disasters are the fault of people like me. Yes folks. God is so angry with me he’s flooding completely different parts of the country, it appears, according the the bishop that just by repenting of being gay I can miraculously become straight, well you know, God doesn’t seem that keen, I’ve tried for 25 years to choose to be straight and it didn’t happen. I got married, I did everything I was supposed to, I served in the church and all I got was a constant feeling of terrible guilt, that I was never as good as those other Christians.

So the unjust God makes someone Gay and then won’t help them choose to be straight then punishes them for it?

When it’s sunny does that mean God is happy with us, is he some kind of manic depressant that sends sunny weather then rainy weather depending on his mood?

Perhaps Bishops if you read the Bible where Jesus said  43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighborh and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemiesi and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

In other words Jesus said that the weather was actually nothing to do with ones behaviour but Just God treating us equally.

Jesus said  7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

You see, Jesus seemed opposed to us pretending to be God and judging people, making out a circumstance is because we have done some particular thing. In fact it may simply be the bishops are uncomfortable with gay people, they’ve never bothered to take the time to talk with us. They think we are second class christians. They persecute us constantly and think they are doing God’s work. They think that by pronouncing “God’s judgment” against us they will some how fix society. Get real.

Rant over.

Yet again I feel like walking away from the Church of England.

    • Posted on behalf of a friend

      Please spread the word around the UK and stand in solidarity with me and 40,000 Bristolian LGBTQI folk against the English Defence League who have decided to march in Bristol on the same day as Bristol Pride.

      Also, I would be really grateful if you could help me give out paper flyers at London World Pride on 7th July – e-mail; 

      Saturday, July 14, 2012 11:00am
      Berkeley Square (BS8) to College Green
      We call on Bristol’s LGBTQI community, friends and families, to join us on the “Anti-Racist and Proud” block on the We Are: Proud Parade.

      We encourage you to wear Black and Pink, colours of pride, solidarity and freedom for LGBTQI people. 


      “A “Pride” event is nothing if not political: a supreme demonstration of communities coming together to celebrate their diversity and often in the face of negativity from the fringes of those communities. In that regard a “Pride” event must always confront prejudice and show those who hold prejudices that they are at the edges of society, standing increasingly alone.” 
      – Imaan, a UK group which supports LGBT Muslim people, families and friends

      In the summer of 1969, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer and Intersex people in New York fought back against police violence at the Stonewall Inn. The following year Gay Liberation Day was organised to commemorate this Stonewall Uprising, to build a larger struggle of LGBTQI people and to work with other liberation movements. This is our history, and the history of Bristol’s We Are: Proud event.

      The English Defence League, a far right movement, intend to march in Bristol on the same day as this year’s Bristol Pride. The EDL state that they are not racist, and claim that they are defending women’s and gay rights in the face of Islam. We challenge their position and know them to be a racist organisation who are attempting to use our LGBTQI communities to legitimise their racism.

      The far right has been, and continues to be, an enemy rather than an ally in the fight for our sexual freedoms. On numerous marches staged by the EDL there have been racially motivated attacks and violence, as well as homophobic slurs thrown at any opposition

      We, a collective of Bristol Queers, oppose all forms of oppression, including religious fundamentalism. We will fight homophobia, biphobia and transphobia in our daily lives, and we will fight racism, nationalism and Islamophobia within and beyond our own LGBTQI community. 

      We refuse to allow the EDL to use “gay rights” as a tool to further their racist agenda, and we believe that here in 2012 it is as important as ever for us to take a firm and explicitly anti-racist stand. 

      More info:
      • Find Bristol Queercafe on Facebook
      • Twitter: @stopedl #stopedl
      • Updates on

The Libor Scandal

Posted: July 4, 2012 in Uncategorized


I’m not Brad Pitt. I admit it.

My efforts to find a nice boyfriend have failed dismally. This is really to my lack of knowing how to “play the game”. It seems that filling out a nice profile is not enough.

I met a nice guy the other night. Not for a date, he’s just a great friend who follows this blog, when he opened his Grindr it was immediately busy with people wanting to chat. Unlike mine which is like a graveyard, sometimes I wonder if they are not just putting pictures there to make me THINK there are other people on it.

My problem, I guess, is I don’t want what most of them are offering. CTS Cuddle, Tea and sex then you’re on  your way. Back to being alone.

I wonder in fact and I have said this before on this blog that because there is no “family” style model for gay relationships that people just go for what is easy.  Even though what is easy is not always best for one long term. That day when you wake up and realise that you are alone and they are gone. No one is interested in you any more.

I suppose if gay marriage was normal and accepted by all and we could just come out and be who we are then that would be more prevalent, perhaps my experience of looking for a partner who is single, likes kids and wants to live on a boat would be a far easier task.

I did discuss equality with him that evening. He said something really powerful, equality is not gay marriage, it’s in fact being able to walk down the street holding hands, or showing affection in the way straight people do (you do still show affection don’t you?) without fear of retribution from those, who perhaps, miss that in their own lives.

Onwards and upwards.