Archive for October, 2012

Does reparative therapy work?

Posted: October 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

I was last night watching a really interesting documentary on BBC 3 about gay therapy or trying to make yourself straight.

I was quite cautious in watching it because I myself spent many years playing the straight game, trying to do what they were doing, but with no support, as very few people knew about my feelings.

I think a few things were really obvious when listening and watching these poor conflicted souls who were desperately at war with themselves. Who’s parents and sometimes themselves were so convinced that people should only be straight and anything else was a terrible abomination to God.

I wonder what they would do these parents if for instance they had a child who was disabled, who was different, would they try and fix the fact that the person did not have an arm, because Adam was created perfect?

This whole theology is completely wrong and frankly evil, it sexualises parts of the bible that do not describe sex at all, the Adam and Steve argument only works if you read the bible with a sexual stance on everything, simply put Adam needed a helper, God’s best helper could not be found among the animals, and so Adam got Eve.

The right helper for a gay person of course is not someone of the opposite sex.

When the bible again talks about leaving and cleaving, about a man leaving his family to be joined as one with a woman, it makes no mention of the woman leaving her family. Literal reading and tight application of scripture is a dangerous and harmful game, based purely on justifying bigotry. It ignores the fact that the bible was not written in our western times, or in our western culture.

It seemed to me that the people on the programme were simply living the lives that everyone else wanted them to live, instead of being themselves. They were living up to the terrible expectations of the culture they found themselves, denying who they truly are simply to make others happy.

When Jesus spoke to the Samaritan woman at Jacobs well, he did not once ask her to change, just showed her that God seeks worshipers that worship him in spirit and in truth, if you are living a lie for others or even for him, you are not worshiping him in truth, but in a pharisaic religious lie that in the end will damage you and the others around you.

The problem is, that sometimes it is easier to lie, than to live in truth. At least it looks that way. There are times when I regret coming out. I regret the way it was all spread around and then many lies made up about me. (Including the accusations by Hillingdon social services that I had many affairs with other women, you may laugh!).

I pray these poor people do find peace, especially Skyler who had attempted suicide. It was so obvious the therapy could not take away their attractions to the same sex, it was obvious that they were unable to celebrate who they were in Christ but had to live a lie, to pretend, which to me is like being unable to fly but pretending you can.


Church in a hole in the mud.

Posted: October 14, 2012 in Uncategorized

I love offroading. For those that don’t know, I have a Land rover discovery, my children and I have great fun getting her completely covered in Mud. Her name is Doris.

Here she is. Stuck in a hole. She is stuck good and proper and it was my fault.


I was following someone, at least I thought I was, but I could not see him, he did a sharp turn and I missed it and had to turn round further up, then I saw him on the other side, I just went straight through and got stuck.

Then something really churchy happened, without any prompting, almost out of nowhere 3 other vehicles one with a winch turn up. Seeing my predicament, they did not join in hearty prayer or have a committee meeting, they just got stuck in. One guy came down in the mud with me to help me clear the tow ring.

“You stuck mate”, “yeah, I was trying to follow him…”

At which point without any thought for themselves they winched me out. (this is much more complicated than a one sentence explanation).

There was something human, something refreshing about this. There were no agendas to this rescue. I did not have time to worry or panic. So I realised something.

I realised, that my day off from church, getting muddy with my kids was vitally important to me, because I saw what people who regardless of who I was, or what I could do, helped me out of a situation, with no charge, not expecting a drink. Just a friendly wave seemed to send them happily on the way. 

I wonder if church, fellowship, κοινωνία sometimes has hidden agendas, we are trying to meet expectations perhaps, or maybe impress someone. Ofcourse no one’s intentions are pure. But I was so grateful when I was dragged out of the deep hole. I felt at fellowship with those people who had no idea about my faith (if any), my hopes, my fears, my sexuality, because at that moment they rescued me. The helpless idiot who didn’t look before he got into a hole. It was my hole, it was my fault and I was stuck in it. 

You know what I like about Jesus, he didn’t do barriers, but he met people in their muddy holes.

Prostitutes pouring water over his feet.
Samaritans at wells.
Blind men shouting.
Lepers that don’t say thank you.

Church, I believe is about human fellowship, not about “we’re the church and you are not”, but about just showing people church and welcoming them in, you belong. 

A church that does not “belong anyone”, is not church, it’s at best, a club or society, at worst it is an exclusive, pharisaical monster.

So throw open the doors, come and belong. Discover church (it’s not in the building), it’s the people, come get a hug, and maybe we can get down in that muddy hole with you and get you out. (or maybe you can do the opposite). 

… oh and thanks so much to the much more experienced offroaders who rescued me today… you know who you are 🙂 …



Posted: October 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

Just a short post this morning!

HOW EXCITING there is a Gay Christian Affirming Radio station!

Praise God! I stopped listening to Premier Radio a long time ago, was tired of being told I was an abomination.

I have just bought a book for my iPad, written by Timothy Kurek, who, in my opinion is completely mad. But to be honest also incredibly brave. He as a right wing Christian questioned what he had been told about us gays and took the quite crazy action to literally walk in our shoes.

I’m part way through the book and it’s a great read, but more than that, it’s  a great book for anyone wondering about the whole Gay “thing” and just what we go through, especially those like myself from a Christian background.  – his Facebook page.


As I grew up as a gay person in a Christian world, I had one dread. The dread someone would find out about the things going on in my head, that actually I was a gay person. But trying very hard to be a straight Christian, after 20 years of failing, eventually it all came out. My Peter moment.

Jesus disciple Peter was confronted with his worst fear when he denied Christ 3 times. He was bold and brash Peter, strong Peter, Peter the fisherman who would protect and stand by Jesus … Peter was Jesus rock, but that rock had to be broken. The terrible shame when the truth was out. That he’d denied Christ three times.

What is the point of a Peter moment? Perhaps the point is that only when God removes all our self imposed scaffolding can the true building begin. I have to admit that I am stronger now, I am completely honest with God about who I am, but I struggle so much with “church” and the hurtful things Christian’s say.

Peter found in his restoration much that I found in my restoration. Although Christ restores us, there is still the nagging feeling that we are weak. Suddenly, we are not so bold about what we claim although we are convinced of it’s reality. 

Life is full of valleys and mountains, but you can’t have one without the other. You cannot approach the mountain of God from another mountain, to get there you have to go to the deepest valley. It is as if the false world we try to build for ourselves is destroyed so that the real world we should be living in is made known.

The Bible talks about God being the potter and us being the clay and sometimes we have to be broken, remoulded and rebuilt. New beginnings mark the end of something old. Sometimes that process is a painful one.