About Me

My name is Paul, I’m 44 (well when I wrote this page I was). I’m gay and I’m a Christian.
I was bought up well by my parents, one of 5 boys and one girl, I think I first knew there was something different about me when I was about 13, by 16 I knew I loved guys but I fought it. I got into a relationship but that ended suddenly when he turned “Straight”. I then became a christian and was taught that being gay was sinful and I had to fight the attraction.

Ofcourse nothing worked. Praying, fasting, summer camps, everything just made me feel more inadequate and guilty. Even though I knew God Loved me my feelings that I could not ever be what he wanted were quite clear.

I met a wonderful woman and I even told her I loved her but I was at war with myself. At one point I tried to end the relationship but that didn’t happen and I ended up marrying her and having two amazing kids. Due to one thing and another I was outed at my church, my marriage fell to pieces and my wife and I separated although we lived together for two or so years afterwards and are great friends, she has moved into a house with the girls who I have at weekends.
I go to a wonderful church where I get the support that I need. Although not everyone there I think is able to handle the “gay” thing. Especially with the recent discussions on gay marriage.
This blog is things I think about, views, hopes, fears, that I want to share.
Anyway have a look around

 

Paul
Advertisements
Comments
  1. Clive Graham says:

    Prayers for your journey Paul, it has been difficult to make the choices you have, I understand your struggle to become fully you, to accept yourself and to be this vulnerable in the grace of God is amazing! Much Love and prayer from a fellow gay bloke wot’s a christian too. Bless ya, Clive

  2. Paul C says:

    Thank you Clive that’s really encouraging! 🙂

  3. Bob Hargreaves says:

    I appreciate your post. I, too, am a Christian (Episcopal Priest), married, with two sons and a grandson, and a few months ago realized that I’ve been fighting all my life the fact that I was born gay. Like you, I tried it the “straight” way, and was pretty successful on the outside. But inside I was never who I was born to be. I guess that contributed to my becoming an alcoholic. Now, having recovered and found a life I never dreamed I could have, I got professional help to discover what has been going on inside and eating me up. Having discovered my real sexual orientation, I really don’t know what to do about it. I’ve come out to my wife and a few others, but probably will never really go public with it. I need to hear about guys like you. You give me hope. God bless you, brother.

  4. Peter says:

    You r so precious to me Paul.

  5. Keith Barber says:

    Hi Paul & thanks for some brave and powerful postings.

    You’re not alone, I can assure you, either in the Church or on the cut!

    Sometimes I forget that I’ve been very fortunate, a member of a congregation where gay people are completely accepted (and I do mean completely) which will take on the church authorities if needs be – our run-in with the then Archdeacon of London in the late ’80s was quite a ride! I really need your kind of writing to remind me that our church is not (yet, at least) the norm. In spite of the “traditionalists”, things are changing; hang on in there! And don’t give up on the possibility of finding someone… in spite of everything (including a gay world that often seems fixated on youth, shopping and sex) it can happen (as it has for me, another blessing I too-often forget to count).

    I’m sure we’ll meet up about the place sometime (Watford next year if not along the way before) – look out for nb Floss!

  6. Guy says:

    It is clear form your testimony and Web Site that you let sin have dominion over you. I’m not being condemnatory, or unloving, because I’ve been there, asked for deliverance and received it.

    • Paul C says:

      Guy I think you will find that I have done everything that you have suggested and more, however I was unable to live my life as a straight person. I live alone with my cat now I am incredibly lonely and I do hope one day to meet someone. I thank you for accusing me of yielding to sin, I freely admit, that every day in one way or another I do yield to sin, but I rejoice because in my weakness is his Strength. Guy you are, I have to say the first person I have ever met who through prayer and deliverance loses any attraction to the same sex.

      Even the post-gay organisations admit that they fail to cure anyone, and in fact, some even stop trying because they realise that they just damage people. I do hope you have managed the miracle of changing your sexuality, I really do because living as a gay person in a world that only knows how to hate and marginalise people who are different is very hard.

      Incidentally, I have asked many Christians to put me to death in accordance with the scripture they so vehemently adhere to (whilst ignoring such terrible things as if you marry a woman and she is not a virgin you shall put her to death, and women should be silent in church), buddy I am not convinced the evangelical bag of magic tricks can actually work for human sexuality.

      I am saved by grace, and that is my salvation, I am the chief of sinners, but still the Christ who died for me, his blood is my sufficiency and in him I find the righteousness of God, sinners like me can only claim the blood of Christ as our cover, we have no other hope, because God has not fixed me. I have prayed and fasted and wept, my life is dedicated to the love and service of CHrist.

      Your accusation that I yield to sin, I gladly admit, it is true, because without my own admission of my sin I can never find salvation.

  7. sberg1961 says:

    NIce to connect with you here. I am also a gay Christian (and Anglican). I have a partner and we have a son we adopted. Wishing you the best. It’s so important for the Christian Right to see that there are gay Christians out there and that it’s not us against them. We all have to come together in this world. Congratulations on what you are doing.

  8. sberg1961 says:

    ps, I was wondering if I can find you on FB? I can give you my FB contact info. Cheers!

  9. Vernal Scott says:

    This is a great blog. God loves his gay children too – including Paul! LOL

    From one Christian gay dad to another – well done! I write about my own journey in my book (on Amazon – God’s Other Children – A London Memoir).

    Vernal Scott

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s